Hawaii, Grocery Hauls, and "Detoxing": Does Anyone Notice?
So, livers are generally not sexy, right?
I’ve heard less-than-raving reviews about Cod Liver Oil, and I certainly know enough vegans angry about overfed french geese.
But the liver’s job is to detox. And we sure do think detoxing is sexy lately.
We like glass bottles of aesthetically-pleasing shapes containing “Detox Lemon-Cayenne-Ginger-Something Water” that’s hotter, spicier and juicier than my sex life is ever going to be.
And then there’s the “Digital Detox.”
And oh boy is THAT an attractive concept.
Picture it with me.
There’s that girl with wavy hair and a flowy top, taking her iphone and throwing it behind her shoulder. She’s escaping to some lakeside cabin surrounded by woods, or boarding a flight for an introspective trip to Tibet, or to a relaxing Hawaiian beach getaway.
She’s having a grueling 50 mile hike or an isolated meditation, or a beach yoga class change her life and clear her mind.
And then...not stopping to take a picture of it. Not agonizing for 20 minutes about the proper witty caption. Not searching for Wi-Fi so that her geotag works. And then not hitting “Post.”
So that, I guess, no-one knows.
Hikers always aim to Leave No Trace. I suppose, in this case, your trip would Leave No Witness.
Cueing every modern traveler’s existential dilemma: “If you didn’t ‘Gram, did you even go?”
I’ll bet that keeps someone lounging in a Mariott up at night.
Last week, Amazon opened its first cashier-less grocery store. You walk in and swipe your phone. You pick up what you need, be it tofu, frozen french fries, or “that one vegetable you saw in that healthy recipe that time.” And you walk out. No pulling out your phone while waiting in line before the register. No growling at that guy with 50 items in the Express Line. No “Hello! How is your day going?” No curious glances from the bored cashier judging your 7 boxes of pizza bites. And no frantic stuffing of change into your pockets after a “Have a Nice Day.” Nothing. As seamless and impersonal as a revolving door.
It was also last week that I stumbled upon a “Grocery Store Haul” video on Youtube for the first time. I haven’t the foggiest idea how it weaseled it’s way into the algorithm’s “Recommendations for Me,” but its existence puzzled me tremendously. I DESPISE putting away groceries with a burning passion, but it’s something I, you know, just..do. Because we all have to. Someone had bothered to film and edit a chore so dull that I rely on a generous glass of wine to get through it A glance through a few channels led me to find a couple thousand “Grocery Hauls.” I found an odd juxtaposition- “Trader Joe’s Haul,” and “Do Laundry With Me,” appear right alongside “How Italy Changed My Life” and “I Bought my First House!”
Now, all of those are, in some way, the sharing of someone’s life. The sharing of Big Things and Little Things, in the same format of “9-minute video with a catchy intro.” I’m sure we all learned from some (retrospectively unnerving) kids’ show: “Sharing is Caring.” And I guess we all need to share, both our Big Things, and our Little Things with someone.
Now, Masha is a strange creature, which means that she has a tendency to be out and about in the wee hours of the morning “to think.” After walking 3 miles at 4 AM, completely lost in thought and without running into a single person, one questions, just for a second: “Am I invisible?” “Does anyone care?” “Is this street even REAL?” And I don’t even need to take a hit.
Granted, I’m a teenager. I’m pretty sure I have a weekly quota of existential crises.
But I’ll get little hints of proof that I am, in fact, human. The guy in the bodega has yet to fail to ask me when I’ll get him Putin’s autograph. And to make fun of me for buying too many protein bars. I might not even know his name, but he sees my Little Things. The urge to film a “4-AM-Bodega-Haul” doesn’t present itself.
It seems as if, every year, I see more people grumbling about people sharing too much of their lives with the public on social media. And yet, every year, we come out with new ways to make sure the Little Things in our lives go entirely unwitnessed. Order midnight takeout without the awkward phone call. Have an Uber summoned and automatically paid for. Order your Starbucks through an app and pick it up in store. And now, I guess, walk in, pick up your Organic Strawberries, and walk out, without a trace.
Say you go to one of those newfangled cashier-less stores and buy Expensive Organic Strawberries. Healthy lifestyle choice and all. Go you.
But no-one will ever see.
You wake up at 6 AM, work out, and come into your kitchen. You use your Expensive Organic Strawberries to make an Aesthetically Pleasing Smoothie Bowl and sit down to eat your Healthy, Pretty Breakfast alone.
But no-one will ever know.
Maybe your stupid smoothie bowl is supposed to detox your liver. Maybe you don’t post about either thing because you’re on a “Social Media Detox.” But maybe someone stole your stapler or you found 20 bucks on the street today. Yet the audience for your Little Stories is about as dry as the potted succulents all over your hipster room. So maybe that’s why people feel such an urge to profess:
“Hey! I bought the Expensive Organic Strawberries!”
“Hey! I’m cooking with the Expensive Organic Strawberries!”
“Hey! I’m eating the Expensive Organic Strawberries!”
Luckily, atleast I’ve yet to see anyone with the urge to prove that they’re digesting the Expensive Organic Strawberries, but considering how it’s apparently now appropriate to have big ads for “PooPourii,” we might not be far off.
I’m joking, of course. And, I’d be lying if I said I don’t prefer to be able to scroll through my phone without seeing the breakfast of 4000 people. But, if “The World’s a Stage,” not every production is some grand tale with a fat lady singing about getting a job at Apple or going to Hawaii. My favourite productions have always been “Off, Off Broadway” anyhow. We all need an audience for our “The sky looks pretty today!- and a security camera just doesn’t quite cut it.
We can tell everyone to take a “Social Detox” and dare them to go save the poor in Uganda without bringing their phone along. But, in the same way that, in a desperate attempt to “detox,” we’ve created a Normal where Kale, Cayenne, and Lime juice make a great morning cup of joe, we’re creating a new Normal where we should go to Hawaii without a single photo, and yet vlog about buying unsalted chickpeas. We’re ever reducing the number of times someone hears “Hey! How are you?” And then we complain more and more that our friends share edited photos of their morning coffee so at least SOMEONE knows they got out of bed today.
We’re all craving a “detox,” but maybe it’s not to cleanse our bodies of nonexistent “chemicals” or to throw our phones off the Empire State. Maybe we just need to dump a day’s, or a lifetime’s worth of Little Things onto something besides a motion sensor. It certainly sounds less attractive than “Green Goddess” or “Australia, Disconnected.” I won’t get any dates by telling my friends “I’ll be your liver.” That’s definitely not sexy. But I can tell them that I’m fine with them cleansing their day’s memories with me. So Hey. How was your day?
