I might as well put it out there that I may very well occasionally be eight going on eighteen. I probably consume far too much coffee and far too little chocolate. I refuse to carry umbrellas and I haven't the foggiest idea how to use nail polish. Now that confessions are over - I'm glad you're here.
All tagged writing
Error 404: “Will to put on pants” Not Found?
This one’s for those days that seem too sucky for skinny jeans.
Twenty minutes, five dollars, and a quarter of a sweetened cappuccino later, the number of scrapped grand beginnings on the first pages of the legal pad had increased by two.
I told myself I’d sit and write. For two hours, straight. No breaks except for the ladies’ room, for occasional pacing, and for refilling my coffee cup. You know, for the bare necessities. I said that, by the end of the day, (or at least before I sleep,) I’d finish this. Fun fact: it’s not going so smoothly. If this were a razor, it would not get a sexy Venus “smooth as silk” commercial. But I’ve got to do this- I promised.
Take a moment to think back to a time when you were presented a comprehensive, crystal-clear instruction. Maybe it was: “Do Not Microwave,” or “Do Not Open Door: Alarm Will Sound.” Or, perhaps something along the lines of “Do Not Enter: High Voltage,”or “Warning: Read Instructions Before Using.”If, for a moment, we shift our focus from the generally-skimmed-over text on packing labels to, arguably, the most read text on Earth, we do not escape examples of near-omniscient superiours giving clear instructions that more so “direct mandates,” than they are “bits of friendly advice.”
We live in a world where it shouldn’t be hard to identify someone’s location. It’s 9AM, and I know where all of my friends are. But, do we know how to listen?
Have a drop of mysterious-air-conditioner-liquid fall into your mouth just as as you’re yawning on the sidewalk. Have a Great Day.
Perfect ideas have certainly gotten us into enough trouble. Communism, Utopias, Subprime Mortgages. Fun times. Searching for perfect people is why we call hopeless romantics hopeless. It’s also why we have online dating. And divorces.
We spend most of our days hightailing it between shockingly few locations. Home- Work- Home. Home- Work- Home. Home-Work-Grocery Store- Home. Home-Work-Liquor Store. Home-Work- Our Secretary's House. Sorry, uh...watching football?
According to Buzzfeed writers and burned-out corporate workers who have clearly already peaked, we’re living “The Best Years of Our Lives.” Now is the time when we’re supposed to be fulfilling all our crazy dreams, and crossing items off our bucket lists left and right, practically every Friday night. Let’s hear some of those items: Going bungee jumping? Traveling to Bali? Publishing our autobiography? Going vegan? All these Big Plans, that would probably also make a great post on Instagram. So we’re all walking around with these Dream Buckets that are partially filled, and someday real soon, something great will happen that will motivate us to pull something out of them and do it, right?
Some days, you like a challenge. Other days, you don’t want to struggle. Whether they’re hanging neatly in your closet, in a heap on the floor, or thrown over the back of The Chair, I know they seem like an insurmountable challenge right now.
Yes. I’m talking about putting on pants.
I have a lot to be grateful for. Okay, don’t you run off now! Shockingly, I’m not about to go off on some rant about hugging trees and offer you a puff of some “special spinach”. We don’t need to go off the deep end yet.
Reading clothing catalogs is always a confusing experience for me. Alice, from Lewis Carrol’s Alice in Wonderland once said “Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast. ” Well, give me a Forever 21 Catalog, and I can become 6 impossible people before my Snooze alarm goes off. Watch me. Becoming a different you is overwhelming. But sometimes, we all need a little “reinventing.”
The Daily Life Starter Pack. Meme-Free and hard to put your finger on. Although you probably shouldn’t try - that’s how we get Sexual Harassment suits nowadays. At once comforting and embarrassing. Yet, as impossible to deny as a video footage from last Friday night, and as permanent as a tattoo. What? No, nothing Mom.
I've been told once or twice that I could play Alice in Wonderland, and I guess we do have some things in common. We both have long blond hair. She falls down rabbit holes; I fall down the black hole that is Wikipedia. We both sometimes drink things we probably oughtn't. And, if her musing is true, then we're both expert-level when it comes to giving ourselves great advice and not actually following it. So... this is Late. I have no Very Important Date. But, dear Hypocritical Masha- here is a report card for you.
So, consider this a meek defense of the long-lost art of the phone call. Go read that motivational quote on Pinterest. Take a deep breath. Put on the coffee pot. Crack your knuckles- it doesn’t cause arthritis.
Phone calls. You got this.
Do you have hands? Excellent. That's a good start. Can you hold a pencil? Great. If you have a sketchbook, open it and start by making a line, a mark, wherever. Doodle.
- Chris Riddel
Hey! You!
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