I might as well put it out there that I may very well occasionally be eight going on eighteen. I probably consume far too much coffee and far too little chocolate. I refuse to carry umbrellas and I haven't the foggiest idea how to use nail polish. Now that confessions are over - I'm glad you're here.
All in projects
Error 404: “Will to put on pants” Not Found?
This one’s for those days that seem too sucky for skinny jeans.
I've been told once or twice that I could play Alice in Wonderland, and I guess we do have some things in common. We both have long blond hair. She falls down rabbit holes; I fall down the black hole that is Wikipedia. We both sometimes drink things we probably oughtn't. And, if her musing is true, then we're both expert-level when it comes to giving ourselves great advice and not actually following it. So... this is Late. I have no Very Important Date. But, dear Hypocritical Masha- here is a report card for you.
Do you have hands? Excellent. That's a good start. Can you hold a pencil? Great. If you have a sketchbook, open it and start by making a line, a mark, wherever. Doodle.
- Chris Riddel
Hey! You!
Are you tired of feeling guilty? Tired of sitting at your desk, surrounded by a concerning amount of empty coffee mugs, fiddling with your pen, contemplating whether penguins have knees, and eyeing that Facebook tab? Dreading that Thing You REALLY Have to Do?
Well boy do I have news for you. It doesn’t have to be so hard! With the power of endless task-invention, you can lose the guilt FAST, and keep it off FOREVER.
With the power of endless invention, you, my friend, are FREE.
FREE to go check your email!
FREE to update your LinkedIn!
FREE to go clean your room! Who cares that it’s already more sterile than a horse mated with a donkey? Not me! You’re the one that’s acting like an ass.
You’re FREE to colour-code your Google calendar!
To check your email! Again!
FREE to go draw a Pinterest-Worthy habit tracker with a PENGUIN on it!
But wait, there’s MORE.
The power of endless invention comes with a Hundred-Percent Money Back Guarantee!
In the future, your credit card will get handed RIGHT BACK TO YOU! After it gets denied. Again.
Things I’ve always been itching to try, things I can’t get out of my head, desires that are hard to calm, those topics I want to jabber endlessly about to someone. Perhaps when desires stop being watery drops of sudsy, vague, unclear ideas that reside in a bucket and start being burning, impossible to ignore, occasionally frustrating itches, I’ll finally stop being so patient, and just scratch. A little Rash decision making is good sometimes.
As Masha walked to the subway station that morning, she realized that it’s been an awfully long time since she’d actually gotten a report card. And that’s a pity. In a way, I almost miss the adrenaline rush that came with handing over the Scary Manila Envelope to Mama and Papa, hoping to be deemed worthy of whatever science kit was the pinnacle of my desires at the moment.
So I figured I’d give myself one. Don’t worry, it’s 100% Serious and Legitimate. I used a red pen and everything. So, Masha, here it is. I’m handing this to you the same way I’ve slipped transcripts to my parental unit for years now: here’s the report, and here’s my personal disclaimer. Something about how the barometric pressure outside hasn’t been ideal for cognitive function. Maybe there have just been way too many Thursdays lately. You know, I’ve just been really, really busy.
Even someone as blonde as I am knows none of these mean anything without more concrete goals and accountability, and I've got some wonderful reality-checks in store for future Masha, so that ought to be fun. I'm honestly just very, very happy to be alive this year, and to have the ability to worry a little less about that being a given.
HAPPY NEW YEAR to all of you. If anything, you can always resolve to stop hanging around people who make New Year's resolutions.
